I learn a lot of things in our kitchen counter. That's where we always have lunch, and since most of my classes are in the afternoon, I still get to eat with my parents. And my Dad talks a lot. Not the nonsense kind. He makes a lot of sense really, but he can be repetitive. I don't mind though, because it's better than a father who doesn't talk at all.

He talks about life, work, principles, changes, generation gap, music, guitars, high school, dates with Mommy, being a young father, restaurants, travel, and everything under the sun. He even talks like this to our friends, which is okay save for some instances when they're surprised that he teaches about life during lunch. And they ask me if he talks like that all the time, which I answer in the affirmative, so they nod in understanding. It's a good indication when he opens up to our friends, because that means he likes them --- you could never force Dad to even make small talk with people he doesn't like.

A few days ago, Dad was into sacrifices. Not the physical kind, but more of what you're willing to give up or leave behind so you could achieve something. He was saying that it's hard when you think about it, but if you stay you'd never know if you could've made it big. That there are things worth leaving behind (at least for some time) in exchange for better opportunities.

And I thought he was secretly talking about Kate and I. I guess they thought (him and Mommy): there'll never be a way to break it gently to these two. Whenever Mommy would mention the fact that I'd graduate a year earlier than Kate, and that I'd have to go off without her (hopefully to Chicago), Kate and I would become so aloof and we just dismiss her. Which is not the right thing to do, but I can't help it.

A friend once asked me if it never occured to me that Kate and I would have to part ways eventually. I always think about it actually, and it makes me sad. It's happiness versus dreams/ambitions. I think of how life would be without her, and it won't be the same --- no more laughing on the sidewalk, no more impromptu trips, no more inside jokes, no more petty fights, no one telling me when I'm being difficult, no one telling me it's okay even when it's not. I remember what she told me once when we were joking around, that it would be hard for her to find a boyfriend someday since she's going to look for my qualities. Then we both laughed, and I told her it's stupid because she can't do the same things we do with a boyfriend. And she said it's the things she wanted to do, so she probably isn't ready to have a boyfriend yet. And that she isn't ready for me to have one.

Maybe we just enjoy doing a lot of things now. We could be anywhere in the world and we'd be happy just because we have each other. Sometimes I wish I could say the same thing about this boy, but when he implies that friendship is not an option, and that it's either you be with him or nothing at all, you know it's time to go. I know I'd be throwing away the two years I was happy being just friends with him, but it's worth it when I think of the years of disappointment I'd have to endure just because I made the wrong choice.

So anyway, I think I've mentioned before that the worst thing for me is when people leave. I feel one's presence, maybe because when people talk, I do listen. When I'm with people close to my heart, I laugh and have a great time and think about it afterwards, how I could go through anything because of moments like that.

And what my Dad said got me thinking. So I told Kate about it that night --- she told me that Daddy and Mommy have a point. That you'd have to sacrifice certain things in order to get what you want. That I won't always be with her, and we would have to lead separate lives eventually. She said a lot of things, then started crying. I didn't know where that came from, and neither did she, so we laughed anyway. It was weird seeing her crying and laughing at the same time, berating herself for acting that way. She said she just couldn't help it when she realized how unhappy things would be when I leave her here.

So I thought, our parents did have a point. We won't always be together. We would have to lead separate lives eventually. But not before we get to do our own plans together, like backpack through Europe and bungee jump or skydive and put up our own exhibit. Or maybe we won't get to do those things unless we start working, so it would take time. I don't know really, it's hard to plan ahead because it almost never happens. There are times when life seems simple, you live and love and and try to make the most out of things and it would be enough. There are times though when it's such a complex idea, where there are other people to consider and lots of unhappiness involved.

We've got more or less two years. Maybe that's enough time to figure things out.