I can't remember what episode it was exactly of Sex and the City, but there was one time when Carrie talked of of great loves. She says that everyone has at least one great love in a lifetime, and I wondered what she meant when she said "great love"?

a) the one person who, no matter what happens and though he's been gone for a long time, always
finds his way back to you
b) the one person who would most likely break your standards. It doesn't necessarily mean it's for the
worse, he simply becomes an exception to your set of rules
c) the one person who, despite your feeble attempts of projecting maturity, always manages to turn
you into a giggly schoolgirl when he's around
d) all of the above

I had always been wondering whether I had fallen in love at all. I never really wanted to talk about it, that word "love", simply because it's crazy. It's a series of complexities, and the more you try to analyze it, the more you get bungled up in the head.

I wasn't really that enchanted with boys back then, because boys my age at that time only knew how to play computer games, buy big teddy bears for high school girls they liked, and spend their parents' money on mall dates. No, I wasn't a pessimist, but I wasn't going ga-ga over boys either. But I really liked this boy since God knows when. However, I wasn't one to start conversations with people I barely knew, so I didn't really get the chance to talk with him. I can't look him in the eye, and my mind goes blank when he talks with me. Needless to say, I become a major basket case when he's around.

I was (and I guess, always will be) a wuss when it comes to these things. I could swallow M&M's and choke to death, and no one will ever know I liked this certain person. I will always remember how I don't see him for almost a year, then coincidentally shows up on my birthday; I learned not to take things for granted.

Maybe he was my great love. Not technically, though. It takes much more than a few conversations to love someone. And it doesn't necessarily mean that if you didn't love someone, you won't get heartbreaks too. Watching him from afar may well be considered a heartbreak. Because when I see him, it reminds me of how a few years can give you the best of loving, and bring about the worst of heartbreaks.

I'm writing this because I finally understood. We're moving in different directions, and as much as I want to go the same route, I'd rather go my own way, thank you very much. I realized last month that his heart belongs to this one girl. They looked so happy together, so perfect, it almost seemed surreal.

As for me, things are looking up. Perhaps another great love came along? Heehee :)